Entering the Empathy Zone

By Brenda Black

Warning: For the more stoic, this may be difficult to read. I'm a hugger and a crier and a share your pain, feel your pain, walk through your pain with you kind of gal. So for those of you who shed no tears and cringe at the thought of an embrace, this is your final notice...you are about to enter the “empathy zone.”

Some call it a blessing; others a curse – this ability to put yourself into the shoes and soul of another. I believe it is a gift, all be it a gift that must be handled with care. For the personal toll it sometimes takes can wreak havoc on one who lovingly bears the weight of so many.

As a pastor's wife, I take on the cares of many. As our years of ministry grow, so does the list of those I love and continue to lift in prayer. But long before I was a preacher's wife, I was a confidant to many a classmate who trusted me with their biggest worries and deepest secrets. In college, though I didn't work as a Resident Assistant, I frequently had girls at my door asking for counsel and prayer and a sympathetic ear. I guess God was grooming me for such a time as this.

Bearing another's burdens is indeed a heavy burden to bear and there are times when I feel overwhelmed by the emotional strain, but I never have regretted bringing hope and compassion to someone in crisis. Rejoicing with those who rejoice is a whole lot more comfortable than mourning with those who mourn. Both are important. The latter just demands a greater emotional investment.

So, what's that investment worth? It's worth gold to the one it is given. It's full of grace by the One from which it is gifted.

“As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit – just as you were called to one hope when you were called – one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

“But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. This is why it says:

“'When he ascended on high, he led captives in his train and gave gifts to men.'” (Ephesians 4:1-8)

In just one week I used this “unity of Spirit, to rejoice and mourn for countless friends watching their babies grow up and move on. I grieved deeply for a friend who endured an unimaginable tragedy. I cheered and laughed and celebrated end-of-school accomplishments for dozens of young friends. I partnered in prayer for sadness and final exam stress.

It's called the human touch when one person cares enough to feel for someone else. It's exhausting and exhilarating! This charge to be the Lord's helping hands and compassionate heart gives hope when it's needed most. And bearing one another's burdens sends a clear message to the rest of the world about the Christ we serve.

“'A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. All men will know that you are my disciples fi you love one another.'” (John 13:34-35)

One of the best ways to show love is to live the pain of another as if it were your own, for no one should have to ever go through the hard things in life alone. It's your choice whether you enter the empathy zone or keep a safe distance. Just know that once you cross the threshold, you'll never be the same and that's a good touchy-feely thing.

Lying Lips Deliver Only Bitterness

By Brenda Black

The marble floors and granite colonnades, high domed ceilings and cavernous hallways showcased mind-boggling and beautiful architecture as I strolled through the square and round mazes of the Capitol building. They also provided great amplification. A simple clickety-clack of an aide's stiletto heels or the giggles of touring school children sounded like fireworks and chaos when their echoes collided and bounced from one hard surface to another.

Still, the din from daily traffic was no match to the roar from the House floor. Debaters who took their places near microphones competed with constant chatter from the gallery. Hushed conversations escalated in volume as representatives and constituents or fellow law-makers huddled together to attempt intelligible conversations.

In the midst of all the mayhem, somehow the work of law-making continues. And in the middle of that business are men and women who perform one of two ways – honorably or dishonorably. If the walls of Congress could talk, they'd tell the battles of integrity versus immorality, principled decisions in struggle with unethical behavior. It's the human condition and it gets magnified in a magnificent place.

With every scheduled meeting, I felt fairly confident discerning whether I was hearing truth or just getting lip service. Having only met most of these legislators for the first time, the impressions of others who knew them better proved far more valuable in determining their credibility. When their own constituents spoke highly about them, it proved the elected representatives had earned their respect. Some were even applauded for valiant efforts and their long-standing integrity.

Unfortunately a few law makers have a different type of notoriety – a reputation for insincerity. A lack of wisdom and inability to see beyond their own personal agendas has those bad players better known for lying tongues, two-faced performances and narrow-minded opinions.

Which would you trust? Which would you rather be? Whether constituent or Congressman, receptionist or Representative, lobbyist or legislator – honesty and integrity matter.

Scripture speaks clearly about the importance of honesty. “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.” (Proverbs 12:22) The Word of God also declares the benefits of honorable living. “Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.” (Psalm 34:12-14)

Most of us would contend that it is troubling to be on the receiving end of a liar's litany. But what of the snare the liar lays for himself when he refuses to speak the truth. “An evil man is trapped by his sinful talk, but a righteous man escapes trouble.” (Prov. 12:13)

Throughout my day at the Capitol, I heard of the work of honorable men and women. I learned about their passion for justice or their willingness to go to battle for right causes. I listened to colleagues drop their egos and applaud the accomplishments of fellow legislators.

On the flip side, one man's name repeatedly received negative reaction from every rank and file. He had earned the reputation for saying one thing and doing another. He lied, he broke trusts, he refused to listen. In short, the man was despised and disrespected by many. His reputation for insincerity didn't just bounce of the walls, it was proclaimed from the rooftops of this noble building.

His lying lips had rendered only bitterness when truth may have provided sweet bliss. “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” (Prov. 24:26)

I may not understand all the ins and outs of passing a bill through Congress, but I learned this much from my day at the Capitol, I'd rather walk blameless and seek the favor of the Lord and the respect from others than to walk in such a way as to leave a wake that causes others to despise and disrespect me. If it matters in law, how much more in life?

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. ” Galatians 6:7-9

Unexpected Vet Care

Courtesy of www.equisearch.com 

By Brenda Black

Seems there is always something that needs doctoring when you have kids, pets or livestock. At the moment, around here, it is all of the above.

When it comes to the four-footed segment, in addition to administering annual spring protocol for every parasite that bites or crawls on four different species, I'm now tending to an equine eye injury.

Though I don't have answers yet for a family member's health issues and I have no idea how long it will take for this horse to heal, I know patience and compassion make all the difference while I await results for each. My vet demonstrated both of these traits perfectly when he tended to our little bay gelding, reminding me once again of the kindness God delivers through the hands and words of others.

In order to appreciate what I'm about to describe, you need to get acquainted with the patient. 

“Cowboy” can be a fist full of spunk at any given moment. I warned the vet of his spirited personality, atypical for most 29 year old Quarter Horses. Considering the precarious location of the wound and the fact that I was the only assistant for the task, I sure didn't want anyone else to get hurt. This is the mount that I can ride like a dream for two hours, but never without keeping weight in the stirrups and a deep seat in the saddle since I know he can come unglued over a rabbit scurrying through the grass 20 feet ahead. He blows like a freight train on crisp, foggy mornings if I accidentally surprise him. Get the picture? He's full of vinegar at times and the reason for his name – it takes a real cowboy to ride him. Oh, did I mention, I love him!

No doubt, the veterinarian has seen his share of wild ponies and ragged wounds, but lucky is the horse that gets his tender mercies in their worst moments. Some would liken his method to constant chatter as he talked in a low, comforting tone. He chose kind words like “Buddy” and moved quietly and fluidly as he tended to every detail. Not every procedure was pleasant or painless, so he purposed to hasten those tasks – all the while, talking and touching and reassuring a beast who outweighed him a thousand pounds to his hundred.

I was thankful for his gentle ways. I'd seen him offer it before in an even more sobering moment, like the time another equine family member suffered a stroke. Then and now, as he spoke in hushed tones, he assured these creatures that he meant them no harm. I thought to myself that's how God treats me when I'm hurting or troubled. He speaks constantly in soothing tones with kind words and encouragement. Sometimes it's a lingering thought or a Scripture that comes to the forefront of my mind, compliments of the Holy Spirit. It may be a song I hear on the radio at just the right time or an old hymn that pops into my head and rolls off the tip of my tongue. God touches my life with generous portions of His gentleness.

Sometimes the Almighty still allows pain to accomplish the greater good. It might be to sharpen me or teach me a lesson. Could just simply be a loving correction. His medicine for many a spiritual ailment comes in hard-to-swallow forms like discipline or disappointment. But only for the moment. In the long run, He is always right and good and knows what is best. If we listen and follow the Great Physician's prescription, we get better.

If there is such a thing as irony, both my son and my horse are dealing with eye problems. So when I went to the Word today, imagine my delight to hear God chattering encouragement from the book of Matthew: “'Lord,' they answered, 'we want our sight.'

“Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him.” (Matthew 20:33-34)

I hadn't gone searching for anything so specific! But, oh my, that was just the shot I needed!

Medicine or surgery may be the path to wellness, but the beautiful, compassionate touch of Jesus and His continual whisper of peace are the two greatest aspects for true healing. Thank you Dr. Brown for being so kind to the animals. And thank you for looking and sounding like Jesus to me. I was grateful for the reminder from my vet and my Lord.

Yes, you are at the right place!  This is still Blessings from Brenda. I just gave it a face lift on this beautiful May first!  Check it out and get acquainted with the handy, interactive elements located along the right side of the page.  Just scan over the grey bar to reveal drop down menues and links you'll want to visit.  Thanks for stopping by and I pray you are encouraged as you spend a little time hearing from my heart and seeing Jesus in every word.

Wise in the Eyes of Others

By Brenda Black

Do people come to you for advice or run from your foolishness? Truly, it does not matter how clever you deem yourself. What matters is how wise you are in the eyes of others, and especially the Lord. Better take a hard listen to what you profess, because whether bright or dim, folks are going to hear about it and God already knows your thought before you ever speak it.

Sometimes word travels farther than we might think and the influence we wield as Christians can make a difference to people we least expect. Even before the era of internet, word of King Solomon's wisdom spread like a virus. It happened to a king; it can happen to us as well.

“When the queen of Sheba heard of Solomon’s fame, she came to Jerusalem to test him with hard questions...she came to Solomon and talked with him about all she had on her mind. Solomon answered all her questions; nothing was too hard for him to explain to her. When the queen of Sheba saw the wisdom of Solomon, as well as the palace he had built, the food on his table, the seating of his officials, the attending servants in their robes, the cupbearers in their robes and the burnt offerings he made at the temple of the Lord, she was overwhelmed.

“She said to the king, 'The report I heard in my own country about your achievements and your wisdom is true. But I did not believe what they said until I came and saw with my own eyes. Indeed, not even half the greatness of your wisdom was told me; you have far exceeded the report I heard. How happy your people must be! How happy your officials, who continually stand before you and hear your wisdom! Praise be to the Lord your God, who has delighted in you and placed you on his throne as king to rule for the Lord your God. Because of the love of your God for Israel and his desire to uphold them forever, he has made you king over them, to maintain justice and righteousness.'

“Then she gave the king 120 talents of gold, large quantities of spices, and precious stones. There had never been such spices as those the queen of Sheba gave to King Solomon.” (2 Chronicles 9:1-9)

What can we learn about wisdom from Solomon's session with Sheba?

One: The litmus test for wisdom is accuracy. When asked hard questions, do you speak the truth? Honest words are honorable. "Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth." (Proverbs 16:13) In the book of Matthew alone, Jesus uses the phrase "I tell you the truth" 30 times! Yes, it seems apparent that the King of Kings considers truthfulness of utmost importance. Since the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, the first One we need to consult is His Holy Highness and the teaching of His Word so we're equipped to speak real truth.

Two: Seeing is believing. If you want someone to trust your wisdom, the talk better match the walk. Consistency begets credibility. Queen Sheba saw it with her own eyes before she completely believed the reports of Solomon's great wisdom and wealth. If accuracy is the litmus strip, then consistency is proof positive. Does your life line up hearsay with reality? Wisdom says in order to be respected, remain reliable.

Three: Give credit where credit is due. When Queen Sheba rolled into town with her lavish entourage, she was looking for the greatest of all men. She met the man and praised his God. Solomon's wisdom relinquished the right to claim credit for all his knowledge and blessings. He did not beg for Sheba's compliments nor steal God's deserved thunder, for Solomon surely had learned what God considered worthy. "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." (Micah 6:8) Wisdom and humility go hand in hand.

If you heed the lesson, then you'll find wisdom has its rewards. A regal queen may not always bring exotic gifts to acknowledge your wise ways. You may not be ranked among Fortune 500's rich and famous. But the premium for wisdom is always abundant and gratifying. One final word from the wisdom of the Word to the wise willing to listen: "Humility and the fear of the Lord bring wealth and honor and life." (Prov. 22:4)

By the Numbers

By Brenda Black

“This reading was composed for you personally. It is based on your full name at birth, your date of birth, and the name you now use to introduce yourself...Your Personal Numerology Reading describes all aspects of your chart as they are understood in numerology, accurately and in-depth.”

I naively succumbed to the invitation to have “my numbers run.” I had no idea what numbers or what they were running from, so I stepped up to a very safe looking man and answered three simple questions. His little laptop then spewed out an eight page run down of my life! The soft-spoken facilitator neatly assembled the report between polypropylene sheet protectors, complete with red plastic binder. I shoved them into my satchel and decided I'd read it later when I needed something to put me to sleep.

Jammie clad and ready for bed later that night, I pulled the slightly crinkled notebook out for inspection. The first section summarized my “Life Path” and declared that even at the moment of birth, I came with my own unique character, as unique as my DNA. All my potential was already in place. Next it outlined my “Expression.” My number of destiny intended to reveal my physical and mental constitution, representing my lifelong target. This is where the talent and abilities and shortcomings were detailed. Finally, this little road map of my life claimed to know my “Heart's Desire.” With three trivial pieces of information, I was supposed to believe that my abilities, my direction in life and my innermost longings would be spilled onto a page.

I read the report and was astonished! Every little detail described me with shocking accuracy! My first thought: That's uncanny. My second was a rapid, memorized rundown of promises from Psalm 139: “O Lord, you have searched me and you know me...you are familiar with all my ways...you knit me together...All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

As the report clearly predicted I would do, I immediately began to analyze the unbelievable accuracy based on such little input I had provided this algorithmic computer program that nailed me! All I could come up with was God. I had no urge to suddenly put all my trust into some new age philosophy and build my life around predictions and hocus-pocus meditations. I didn't want to start searching the stars for direction. I simply stopped and worshiped the amazing, all-knowing Creator who “knit me together.” How cool that He designs us, then calls us to tasks in life for which we are artistically crafted and equipped! How comforting that He knows our deepest longings, long before we even know them ourselves.

Each of us is born for a purpose! Each comes into the world with tendencies and natural gifts intended to glorify God. But you don't need anyone to run your numbers to discover God's will for your life. The One who authors life itself has all the answers; He formed your inmost being. You are invaluable to Him. “And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.” (Matthew 10:30)

Chances are, you already know yourself pretty well. But are you living in such a way that your strengths glorify God and your weaknesses are surrendered to His authority? Are you tapping into the great possibilities He placed within you? Are you asking God which way to go and what to do? Praise God for His patent on your life. You are fearfully and wonderfully made to live up to your God-given potential!

Appropriately, it is in Numbers 6:24-26 where the Lord teaches Moses how to bless His children. “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” From the beginning, and forevermore, the Lord just wants to shine in your life and bless you.

If you are still counting, there is a singularly important fact upon which you can base your life and know true peace. It is that there is only ONE Christ! “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.” (Acts 4:12) Live by that number and you'll know everything you need to know to reach your full potential!

George Beverly Shea - He will be missed and never forgotten. I'm so thankful for his composition of one of my all-time favorite hymns.  I rocked my babies to sleep by singing "I'd Rather Have Jesus." I remember many times, when I would think Austin was finally out. I'd stop singing and he would raise up, clap his tiny hands and say "Do again, Mommy." From the time they were born, I sang into their hearts the message that Jesus is worth more than anything this world has to offer. As I sang it to them, God sowed that truth deep into the soil of my own heart.  "I'd rather have Jesus than silver or gold. I'd rather be His than have riches untold. I'd rather have Jesus than houses or lands. I'd rather be led by His nail-pierced hand."