Comfort of a Confidant

By Brenda Black

Some thoughts are too personal to profess; some fears too frightening to express. If spoken aloud, all of a sudden the innermost part – exposed. The hopes or disappointments seem all the more intimate and the fears loom larger than life once released from deep down inside. It takes a special person, a profoundly trustworthy soul, to hear the depths of my heart. I'm blessed when I discover such a friend that can handle the bare, ugly truth of my humanity and love me in spite of myself and all the baggage.

It's tough sometimes being the preacher's wife. We are busy listening and loving on everybody else and forget to tend to our own temples and tents. Fielding phone calls, praying for the saints, hostess to any and all who drop in and right-hand gal to the shepherd who pastors a flock, who often turns to the shepherdess as often as they turn to the shepherd. Truly, I do not begrudge any of it. I'm a born rescuer and problem solver. I count it a holy honor to stand in the gap as prayer warrior. I love entertaining and hospitality is my middle name! I love caring for people.

Frankly, it's not just being a pastor's wife. It's just life! I'm the radar for all things lost within and without my humble abode. From within the refrigerator to the file cabinet, barn lot, backseat of the car or bed of a pick up truck, I'm supposed to know where every jot and tittle is kept. And at a moment's notice. No matter how long my day or how hard I work, it is not over until the family is fed and the dishes and laundry stowed and my deadlines are met.

I'm called upon to be herdsman, landscape artist, vet, physician, accountant, chef and spell checker all rolled into one. I open gates and roll bale rings, haul buckets of feed and pull up fence posts. So tell me, where is my unpaid hired hand when it's time to fry a hamburger, mop the floor or do the dishes? When it's all said and done, it's not even actually the physical labor that exhausts me as much as the mental wear and tear of not having the time to deal with things on my mind. It's the negative press and worldly nonsense. It's my own aches and pains or the disconcerting word of a friend who's critically sick.

The breaking point of accumulated weariness causes me to long for someone who'll share my overload by simply letting me vent. And not judge me for it. One who has walked this same road. A person who can take it with a grain of grace when I spew and spill it all over her. Unfortunately, I fail miserably at calling on others when I'm the one in need of encouragement or help. When I'm feeling defeated or weak in my walk, when I'm weary of just about every little thing that trickles down the stream of my life, I confess, I'm lousy at seeking solace from someone else.

I stash it down, deal with it by grit and determination. I ignore it or dwell on it. I ponder it, pray about it, even deny it. But over the course of time, I find the same cycle revolving full circle. I can't take IT anymore! I feel isolated and worn to a frazzle. I feel misunderstood and taken for granted. And I need someone to just hear my heart and tolerate my hurt and fill my head with positive words. I need a faithful friend.

The Lord has given me a select few over the years, with whom I can be real. One most recently pulled the pressures from me until I felt a sweet release. She patiently listened to whining in the midst of justified worry. She sorted through my sinful contributions and acknowledged the areas I was managing properly. My friend heard my heart, felt my fears, tempered my anger and subdued my anxiety over things only God could handle.

Most importantly: she prayed for me and pointed me to Christ. Yep, the preacher's wife needs shepherding too. I'm thankful for the comfort of such a confidant and count her among God's greatest blessings in my life. Why do I wait so long to be transparent when the love of a godly friend is one of the Lord's most kind and incredible ways He has of reaching into our lives and showing us we never walk alone.

“The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.” (Proverbs 20:5)

copyright 2012 - The Word's Out-Brenda Black

Experiencing a "D" Deficiency

By Brenda Black

Trolling: As much as I'd like to associate the word with big bass feeding in cool waters under low-hanging limbs, the only comparison I can readily make is I feel like the loaded, limp limb. I've been fighting that feeling you get when you have spring fever, but no spring in your step. Nutritionists and psychiatrists contend the low mood between changing seasons is often attributed to a Vitamin D deficiency following months of cloudy, cold weather and our distance from the equator. They even have a clever name for the down-in-the-dumps “D” deficiency. They call it “SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)”. How appropriate.

According to The Cleveland Clinic Foundation, some of the symptoms of SAD are fatigue, increased need for sleep, decreased levels of energy and difficulty concentrating. Check! Got all of those. Besides, I just can't seem to put my finger on this feeling except for overwhelming sadness.

Though the days are getting longer and the sun is shining brighter, current events aren't helping the condition. A heaviness sweeps over me when I think of the death and destruction our nation just witnessed as tornadoes ripped lives apart and left folks destitute and grief stricken. The death of Osama has left me more melancholy than merry, having just read Last Man Down, a personal account of a firefighter's survival and escape from the World Trade Center on that dreadful September morning in 2001. My heart goes back ten years and reminds me of the breach in safety I'd known most of my life and conjures up new anxiety over retaliation from enemies known and enemies new.

World crises and national economy can put the jolliest of souls in a funk. Why, just filling up my gas tank makes me cranky! Surely this all has something to do with Vitamin D deficiency!

It is now known that Vitamin D plays a huge part in boosting the immune system. One of the best ways to prevent colds, flu, cancer, or any chronic disease is with Vitamin D3. But I think there is more which is necessary for a remedy to the ills and worries of this world. I need a big dose of Vitamin D from the sun, plus a few other “D's” I'd like to mention.

*A Daily Dose of God's Word of encouragement. “Now the Bereans were of more noble character than the Thessalonians, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day...” (Acts 17:11) I'd rather be noble and eager than negative and indifferent. A study in the Scriptures helps with attitude and outlook.

*Direction that Out-Distances the gloom and doom of this world. “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18) This troubled world is not my home. I'm just passing through.

*Discipline. Sometimes we bring the troubles on ourselves, but God redeems it by molding us into better people. “And you have forgotten the word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:

'My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.'

“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

“Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 'Make level paths for your feet,' so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.” (Hebrews 12:5-13)

When the sun shines on your skin, ultraviolet rays activate a form of cholesterol which is present in the skin, converting it to Vitamin D. It keeps us strong and healthy. When the Son of God shines into your soul, the Holy Spirit is activated to bolster our faith, strengthen our resolve and convert sinful humans into holy children of God. That's one powerful deity at work!

If you are experiencing the darkness of worry and fear perpetuated by the sad, but temporary circumstances of this world, then look up! Soak up some Son and think about heaven. A sure-fire cure for the ills of this world is a certain destiny. Get your Vitamin D and delight in the truth that God is not disturbed and neither do you have to be.

copyright 2011 Brenda Black