Comfort of a Confidant

By Brenda Black

Some thoughts are too personal to profess; some fears too frightening to express. If spoken aloud, all of a sudden the innermost part – exposed. The hopes or disappointments seem all the more intimate and the fears loom larger than life once released from deep down inside. It takes a special person, a profoundly trustworthy soul, to hear the depths of my heart. I'm blessed when I discover such a friend that can handle the bare, ugly truth of my humanity and love me in spite of myself and all the baggage.

It's tough sometimes being the preacher's wife. We are busy listening and loving on everybody else and forget to tend to our own temples and tents. Fielding phone calls, praying for the saints, hostess to any and all who drop in and right-hand gal to the shepherd who pastors a flock, who often turns to the shepherdess as often as they turn to the shepherd. Truly, I do not begrudge any of it. I'm a born rescuer and problem solver. I count it a holy honor to stand in the gap as prayer warrior. I love entertaining and hospitality is my middle name! I love caring for people.

Frankly, it's not just being a pastor's wife. It's just life! I'm the radar for all things lost within and without my humble abode. From within the refrigerator to the file cabinet, barn lot, backseat of the car or bed of a pick up truck, I'm supposed to know where every jot and tittle is kept. And at a moment's notice. No matter how long my day or how hard I work, it is not over until the family is fed and the dishes and laundry stowed and my deadlines are met.

I'm called upon to be herdsman, landscape artist, vet, physician, accountant, chef and spell checker all rolled into one. I open gates and roll bale rings, haul buckets of feed and pull up fence posts. So tell me, where is my unpaid hired hand when it's time to fry a hamburger, mop the floor or do the dishes? When it's all said and done, it's not even actually the physical labor that exhausts me as much as the mental wear and tear of not having the time to deal with things on my mind. It's the negative press and worldly nonsense. It's my own aches and pains or the disconcerting word of a friend who's critically sick.

The breaking point of accumulated weariness causes me to long for someone who'll share my overload by simply letting me vent. And not judge me for it. One who has walked this same road. A person who can take it with a grain of grace when I spew and spill it all over her. Unfortunately, I fail miserably at calling on others when I'm the one in need of encouragement or help. When I'm feeling defeated or weak in my walk, when I'm weary of just about every little thing that trickles down the stream of my life, I confess, I'm lousy at seeking solace from someone else.

I stash it down, deal with it by grit and determination. I ignore it or dwell on it. I ponder it, pray about it, even deny it. But over the course of time, I find the same cycle revolving full circle. I can't take IT anymore! I feel isolated and worn to a frazzle. I feel misunderstood and taken for granted. And I need someone to just hear my heart and tolerate my hurt and fill my head with positive words. I need a faithful friend.

The Lord has given me a select few over the years, with whom I can be real. One most recently pulled the pressures from me until I felt a sweet release. She patiently listened to whining in the midst of justified worry. She sorted through my sinful contributions and acknowledged the areas I was managing properly. My friend heard my heart, felt my fears, tempered my anger and subdued my anxiety over things only God could handle.

Most importantly: she prayed for me and pointed me to Christ. Yep, the preacher's wife needs shepherding too. I'm thankful for the comfort of such a confidant and count her among God's greatest blessings in my life. Why do I wait so long to be transparent when the love of a godly friend is one of the Lord's most kind and incredible ways He has of reaching into our lives and showing us we never walk alone.

“The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.” (Proverbs 20:5)

copyright 2012 - The Word's Out-Brenda Black

In Honor of the Human Spirit

By Brenda Black

I watched the little brunette perch twenty feet in the air atop a tower of human spirit. Sturdy men and steady ladies pyramided their way center court to the cheers of college sports fans. The stack of flesh and school pride was even more impressive when I watched the diminutive dare devil flipped down to land on two feet and triumphantly lift one and a half arms into the air! All I could think was that beautiful little lady must have been loved by incredible parents who never allowed a birth defect to stand in the way of anything their daughter wanted to accomplish. Her spirit was never suppressed.

There is a story of a school teacher who asked her first graders to draw a picture of something they were thankful for. She thought of how little these children from poor neighborhoods actually had for which to give thanks. She reasoned that most of them would no doubt sketch pictures of turkeys on tables with lots of other food. She was surprised with the paper that one small boy handed in. It was the picture of a human hand, crudely drawn. The other children tried to guess whose hand their classmate had scribbled. One said it was the hand of God because He brings the food to us. Another said it was the hand of a farmer because he raises and grows the food. Finally, when the others were back at their work, the teacher bent over the child’s desk and asked whose hand it was. "Why, its your hand, teacher," he mumbled. Then she recalled how frequently at recess she had taken this scrubby, forlorn child by the hand. She did it with many of the children and never thought much about it. But that little boy did. You see, she refreshed his spirit and he never forgot it.

The human spirit is remarkable, capable of overcoming all odds to rise to great heights! But the human spirit is impressionable. It can be deeply stirred by simple acts of kindness or just as easily crushed from lack of love. I admire those who model this human quality and those who empower it with love and sacrifice.

That's why I get weepy when our nation's heroes go off to war or return home to the welcoming arms of loving family and friends. I wonder what kind of grit and how much courage dwells in the heart of a soldier. Who challenged them to be all they could be? How do those young, left-behind wives continue to patiently uplift their brave husbands and embolden the children who don't understand why daddy is half way around the world. That amazing human spirit that fights for freedom and lives for others and dies for country astounds me! They deserve my greatest respect, my cheers and my thanks. Yet, I fear that simple gratitude will never be enough compensation for their sacrifices and service. But this Friday we can still try. As individuals, as communities, as a nation, we can pay tribute to the American human spirit at its best on Veterans Day, 2011.

“Today, our Nation comes together to honor our veterans and commemorate the legacy of profound service and sacrifice they have upheld in pursuit of a more perfect Union. Through their steadfast defense of America’s ideals, our service members have ensured our country still stands strong, our founding principles still shine, and nations around the world know the blessings of freedom. As we offer our sincere appreciation and respect to our veterans, to their families, to those who are still in harm’s way, and to those we have laid to rest, let us rededicate ourselves to serving them as well as they have served the United States of America.” (Veterans Day 2011 Proclamation)

Some of these noble warriors began as scared little boys in need of a guiding and loving hand to encourage them. Some have returned home with scars and handicaps they've had to overcome in order to stand proud again. But all give us reason to cheer and look upon them in amazement for the human spirit that dwells within them.

May God protect our troops. May we never forget how blessed we are because of their courage, strength and willingness to go into battle. This Veterans Day, please take the time to express due honor. It will do your own spirit good.